The Difference Between A Friend With Benefits And A Guy Who Secretly Wants To Be Your Boyfriend

FWB relationships are intended to be solely about filling each other’s sexual needs. You generally talk minimally in order to ensure your feelings stay as far away from your sex filled relationship as possible. You make an agreement from the start that you’re not there to comfort each other when it’s 2 AM and you’re lonely, but you will come over at 2 AM to hook up and leave.

But the line and boundaries drawn in a FWB relationship are never crystal clear. There are always some loopholes, whether it’s one person (or both) falling for the one person they swore they’d only like sexually. It could be feelings, jealously, complications, or whatever your personal experience with your FWB turned out like.

Guys haven’t always been known for having a way with words and expressing their feelings, but here are a few signs that might indicate he doesn’t want to solely sleep with you, but he also wants to be a major part of your life.

1. He tries his best to act uninterested in your life, but always ask you about your day.

He is trying not to play like he’s too into you, but he still looks for a genuine answer when he asks how your day was while you’re lying in bed together.

2. He will bring up topics from the last time you saw each other.

If something happened at work that you brought up last time you were together, he will do a follow up question. He will try to slyly bring it in to the conversation like it just popped into his head, but he remembered what you said all along. He wants to try to fit into your personal life and built a relationship outside of sex.

3. He does random things like surprise you with a doughnut.

Remember how last time you were together and you said you really wanted a doughnut? No? Well he did. And when he gave it to you he said something like, “oh, I was just getting myself a coffee and I remembered you said you wanted a doughnut, so here.” He purposely got you that doughnut because he wanted to do something nice for you.

4. He suggests sleeping over.

If all he’s after is a FWB relationship he really shouldn’t suggest sleeping over, simply because that takes the whole ‘benefits’ thing to a whole other level (you’ll, like, actually be sleeping together). If you think you’re mature enough to have a FWB relationship you should be mature enough to realize that females tend to get attached and by having her sleep over you know that she will start thinking you want more. So just know if you’re asking her to stay the night she isn’t the only one who is starting to get hopeful.

5. He starts to ask if you want to do things with him.

He tries to keep it casual like going to a drive thru with him and he pay. Or him asking you to help him with some shopping because, you know, guys hate shopping. But it progresses and your relationship starts taking place outside the bedroom more and more frequently.

6. He asks you to go to family functions with him because, you know, his family is starting to question if he’s gay, or whatever excuse people make.

He brings you to his cousins wedding or to a family BBQ or to meet the family for a special occasion. That’s him showing interest in you, that’s him showing a lot of interest in you in order to bring you around to introduce you to his whole family.

7. He confides in you.

He used to only talk about minimal things in his life, but the longer you’ve had your relationship going the more he trusts you. The time you used to talk about random things after you had sex, now turns into “pillow talk” and he confesses things to you he usually wouldn’t tell others.

8. He brings you around to hang with his friends.

He suggests you should come to his friend’s basketball game because their group always goes to watch, or he suggests you come to his friends house to watch a movie because it just came out on DVD. He still justifies why he’s asking you, but he’s still asking you and he’s hoping his friends will give him some feedback on how cool you are.

9. He asks about the other men in your life.

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First you think he might just be curios if you’re sleeping with anyone else, but he kind of doesn’t let it go. Or he will always make jokes about how you’re always hanging around ‘Derek or whatever his name is’.

10. He cares about you.

If you’re having a bad day, he is there for you. He tries to make you laugh or will call you just to talk. He takes thing further than just being FWB. He shows you effort and tries to be in your life and build a deeper relationship than just FWB.

Men are simple species most of the time and more than likely when they say they just want to be FWB that’s what they mean. They don’t want to further the relationship, they don’t want someone to hold hands with and go on dates with, they simply want someone who’s got the same mindset and agreed to satisfy each other’s needs in the bedroom. But things change, feelings are unpredictable and he might be one of the few who actually see something more than just sex with you.

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I’m no expert, but those are all pretty good indications he wants to be more than FWB, he wants to be your boyfriend, and if you have the chat and he doesn’t, send him packing because he’s failed at giving mixed signals and you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.