82 People Confess The CRAZY Misconceptions They Had About Sex When They Were Kids

Found on AskReddit.

1. I thought condoms were a piece of candy you ate so you didn’t get pregnant.

“Thought condoms were a piece of candy you ate so you didn’t get pregnant. Looked like candy in a wrapper to me.” — Rockschool2012

2. I thought babies were born when women ‘wore’ condoms on their nipples.

“That babies were born when women ‘wore’ condoms on their nipples.” — midnightschild

3. I thought sex was a man and a woman going to the bathroom together.

“I thought sex was a man and a woman going to the bathroom together…that’s it.” — vTheCurrentEvent

4. I thought when you came, white tadpole-size sperm would come out of your penis and flap around like fish on the floor and died.

“That when you came, white tadpole-size sperm would come out of your penis and flap around like fish on the floor and died. And that you could only come if you put your penis in a vagina.” — YoungHeartsAmerica

5. I thought that vaginas were tiny asses.

“I thought that vaginas were tiny asses. literally.” — Sheikh_Shaker

6. I thought babies were made when the man came into a cup and the woman drank it and it tasted like blueberries.

“I thought ‘sex’ referred to showing your junk to each other. And babies were made when the man came into a cup and the woman drank it and it tasted like blueberries. I was seven.” — scienceisanart

7. I thought you were supposed to take a sword and stab a woman in the belly button.

“I thought you were supposed to take a sword and stab a woman in the belly button. Glad I didn’t try doing that.” — MCNsAreStupid

8. I believed that ‘eating out’ consisted of eating a fruit that grew down there.

“I believed that ‘eating out’ consisted of eating a fruit that grew down there.” — ieatgodsdoodie

9. I thought that me transferring my ‘seed’ to the woman would hurt like shit since I thought it was basically a watermelon seed.

“That me transferring my ‘seed’ to the woman would hurt like shit since I thought it was basically a watermelon seed.” — livedadevil

10. I thought that semen would have the consistency like the frosting you put on a toaster strudel.

“I thought that semen would have the consistency like the frosting you put on a toaster strudel. I also thought that sex always took place under the covers just like the Sims.” — Flare200

11. I thought the balls were like part of the penis, as if small ping pong balls were inside of it.

“It was more of the male anatomy. I recall in 5th grade learning that boys’ ‘balls dropped’ at puberty. For whatever reason, I thought the balls were like part of the penis, as if small ping pong balls were inside of it.” — lovelikeangels

12. I thought there was a button in the vagina that got you pregnant.

“I once overheard my sister and her friends talking about sex and how the penis went inside the vagina and that’s how babies were made. Had no idea what ejaculation was. So I thought there was a button in the vagina that got you pregnant. Was very scared to masturbate, I thought I’d get myself pregnant via the button in my vagina.” — caotbo714

13. “I thought sex was illegal because I watched a rapper’s music video where he talked about fucking bitches and going to jail.

“I thought sex was illegal because I watched a rapper’s music video where he talked about fucking bitches and going to jail.” — Superafricaman

14. I thought women were impregnated by dick sweat.

“Women were impregnated by dick sweat.” — DarthNightsWatch

15. I thought both parties take off their shirts and their nipples connected.

“I thought both parties take off their shirts and their nipples connected.” — MrStudentDude

16. I thought that if I masturbated my hand would eat my dick in the afterlife.

“That if I masturbated my hand would eat my dick in the afterlife.” — dabrothergoose

17. I thought an aroused woman’s vagina would make a suckling sound similar to a baby sucking on a bottle.

“I incorrectly believed that if a woman was sexually aroused enough, that her vagina would make a suckling sound similar to a baby sucking on a bottle.” — pj346

18. I believed a man’s pubic hair covered the ENTIRE PENIS, SHAFT TO HEAD.

“I believed a man’s pubic hair covered the ENTIRE PENIS, SHAFT TO HEAD.” — Usernamewoe

19. I thought mixed-race babies would be spotted like a cow.

“My mom married a black man when I was about 5 (I’m white). When she told me I was going to have a sister and that she would be mixed I thought that she was going to come out spotted like a cow.” — expizzaguy

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20. I thought that you had to push your testicle out of your urethra and into the vagina during sex.

“When I was a kid, I thought that you had to push your testicle out of your urethra and into the vagina during sex. I never looked forward to having sex until I found out the truth.” — PlantainEnthusiast

21. I thought putting the penis in the vagina meant resting it between the lips like a hot dog.

“Despite having a vagina, I had no idea we had a hole that could fit a penis. So I thought putting the penis in the vagina meant resting it between the lips like a hot dog.” — JuniperusRain

22. I used to think that sex had to be done in the hospital and the doctor would watch.

“I used to think that sex had to be done in the hospital and the doctor would watch. It would be done standing up. The man would put his penis in the woman’s vagina for just a second and then take it out. No thrusting or anything. Then the sperm would come out on the floor and somehow the woman would immediately become pregnant.” — MissionCow

23. I believed women got impregnated when they kissed their husband.

“I believed women got impregnated when they kissed their husband.” — -petyr-baelish-

24. I thought balls didn’t exist.

“That men had two penises.. one for peeing and one for sex…also balls didn’t exist.” — JenAlbino

25. I thought you could accidentally rape someone by bumping into them.

“I thought the vagina was on the front, so if you had a boner and ran at someone fast enough and bumped into them, you could rip through their clothes and accidentally rape them. I used to have nightmares where I’d get arrested for raping people randomly.” — Wintermuteson

26. I used to think vaginas were triangle-shaped open holes.

“I used to think vaginas were triangle-shaped open holes roughly where the penis would be. I was so confused when I first saw lips.” — applebrush

27. Black people had black cum.

“Black people had black cum.” — thescentofwater

28. I thought intercourse happened while both people were asleep.

“I thought the actual intercourse part of sex happened while people were asleep since everyone always talked about ‘sleeping with someone.’ Like somehow both partners rolled over just the right way and 9 months later they had a baby.” — esp735

29. I believed that the doggy style position was only for anal sex.

“I believed that the doggy style position was only for anal sex. Anytime a girl would bend over, the guy would be going into the pooper.” — RipkenDoublePlay

30. I thought that girls’ boobs and boys’ balls were the same thing but in different places.

“That girls’ boobs and boys’ balls were the same thing but in different places. I thought this because in French, ‘boules’ translates more or less to balls but also is used to mean boobs. I had heard people talk in English about balls, and in French about balls, so naturally I assumed they meant the same thing.” — possibleduck

31. I used to think that girls drank boys’ pee, and that’s what a blowjob wa.

“When I was in first grade, I used to think that girls drank boys’ pee, and that’s what a blowjob was.” — its_tea_day

32. I thought you automatically became pregnant at your wedding.

“When I was a kid, I thought you automatically became pregnant at your wedding.

I understood the sperm-and-egg thing, but I wasn’t sure how they met. So I assumed at your first dance as husband and bride, the sperm and egg travelled through the air and swapped places. Boom. There’s sperm in the wife, and eggs in the husband I guess?

My parents even gave me a book that said the phrase ‘penis inserted into the vagina.” I guess I skimmed over that part.” — Elvensabre

33. I thought that babies were made when a man and a woman took a shower together, the woman did a handstand and the man peed in her mouth.

“When I was about 6 a friend assured me that babies were made when a man and a woman took a shower together, the woman did a handstand and the man peed in her mouth. I never had any reason to disbelieve him. Thankfully I forgot about it pretty quickly (I just now remembered he told me that) so I didn’t have the chance to embarrass myself later in life. I also thought until an embarrassingly late age that the phrase ‘becoming a man’ meant getting a circumcision.” — John_key_is_shit

34. I thought that people rubbed butts, back to back, to make a baby.

“I used to (and I still) look at bugs, nature, plants and all the things. I saw them mating several times – and that their butts were touching. For a little while, I thought that people rubbed butts, back to back, to make a baby. Once I realized I what my dick was for, that didn’t make sense anymore. It was at a very young age, but I vividly remember how I imagined it.” — Yaknow-thatguy

35. I thought married people had sex all the time.

“I thought married people had sex all the time. I was very very wrong. Source: married for 16 years.” — LederhosenUnicorn

36. I thought gay men had sex by putting their penis inside the urethra of another penis.

“I thought gay men had sex by putting their penis inside the urethra of another penis. I must’ve been 10 at the time; too young to know about gay sex but old enough to know that anuses are a thing.” — Nozomis_Honkers

37. I thought sex was just making out naked.

“Thought sex was just making out naked.” — possum67

38. I thought you only have sex at night.

“You only have sex at night.” — spacer_

39. I thought penises had a little ‘tip’ on them like the end of a nipple.

“When I was really little, before I had ever seen a penis, I was convinced that they had a little ‘tip’ on them like the end of a nipple.” — CreamPieSatan

40. I thought babies came out of butts.

“Babies came out of butts. Yeah I was that moron.” — Matthewmurphy17

41. I thought a blow job was when a girl would literally blow air up and down the shaft.

“I thought a blow job was when a girl would literally blow air up and down the shaft.” — acEightyThrees

42. I thought the couple just laid still for a long time while the guy was basically just continuously cumming.

“I was taught the mechanics of making a baby, but no one ever told me that sex actually involves movement. So I thought the couple just laid still for a long time while the guy was basically just continuously cumming.” — dadmemes26

43. I thought that at puberty, my penis would go erect and stay erect for the rest of my life.

“I thought that at puberty, my penis would go erect and stay erect for the rest of my life. I remember to this day questioning how I’d hide this for the rest of life.” — andrewcrs

44. I thought you were expected to pee into her butt.

“That you were expected to pee into her butt … No, but if she lets you, feel blessed.” — ALWAYS_TELLING_LIES

45. I thought you had to stay in position for hours to days while the sperm reached the egg.

“A biology textbook said the sperm takes between hours and days to reach the egg. So I thought you had to stay in position for hours to days.” — bananslugholly

46. I used to think the penis was shaped like a corkscrew.

“I used to think the penis was shaped like a corkscrew. Think a pig’s tail but with some added girth.” — Jiggaraffe

47. I thought the only way to get a girl pregnant was by having her suck you off.

“I thought the only way to get a girl pregnant was by having her suck you off. Literally. Just suck you off and magically she was pregnant. (I had no idea what sperm was at the time).” — videogamesandmusic2

48. I thought that women had huge penises.

“That women also had a penis. Not just any penis. You see when I was but 7 my friend went through his brother’s stuff while he was away at college. Inside was a naughty magazine. Inside the magazine were naked woman, the first I had ever seen. But, nearly all of these women had foot-long horse cocks…His brother was into transsexuals at the eve of the Photoshop era. This magazine was never meant for innocent eyes, yet these slick pages of centenarian genitalia were what taught me. I was corrected a few weeks later by my older 12-year-old friend. Women didn’t have a dick.” — Sarik704

49. I thought sticking your penis in a vagina was some kind of weird fetish that I invented in the 4th grade.

“I thought sticking your penis in a vagina was some kind of weird fetish that I invented in the 4th grade. Fast forward three years and a Sex Ed video, and I was dumbfounded. ‘Wait, you’re supposed to do that?’” — PhoenixAgent003

50. I thought sex was peeing on each other and that’s how you make a baby.

“I thought sex was peeing on each other and that’s how you make a baby.” — DearYouu

51. I always thought pubic hair was called ‘public’ hair instead.

“Thanks to a nervous speed read of some adult literature I always thought pubic hair was called public hair which confused me ’cause I was like ‘Why call it that when it’s hidden?’” — ryanew1991

52. I thought that women had a third orifice between the vagina and anus where tampons went in and babies came out.

“That women had a third orifice between the vagina and anus. That’s where tampons went in and babies came out. Thank god for porn.” — Trentathius

53. I thought that during sex, the woman sticks her vagina to the man’s lower back.

“The kid who taught me about sex told me that the woman sticks her vagina to the man’s lower back. WTF.” — PM_ME_UR_SO

54. I thought that semen crawled up the woman’s leg and into the vagina like some kind of Flubber creature from that Robin Williams movie.

“I knew about semen, I knew that semen had to somehow end up in the vagina, but for some reason penetration never occurred to me as an option. I honestly thought (until I got into my Grandma’s dirty novels) that people kissed and dry humped until the man came and the semen crawled up the woman’s leg and into the vagina like some kind of Flubber creature from that Robin Williams movie. I still think about this during fellatio and it bothers me.” — duckyblinders

55. I thought that both genders had penises, and to have a baby you’d have to wrap them around each other in a spiral.

“Both genders had penises, and to have a baby you’d have to wrap them around each other in a spiral.” — Thebigautist

56. I always thought sex was just dancing naked.

“I always thought sex was just dancing naked—so I was always confused when people mentioned hearing it, as I assumed my parents were just dancing naked together behind closed doors.” — UltimateWerewolf

57. I thought all sex was in the butt.

“I thought all sex was in the butt when I was really little. Now that I’m older I wish my girlfriends had thought this, too.” — Ai_of_Vanity

58. I thought the vagina went into the penis.

“Thought the vagina went into the penis. This cause quite the confusion later on in life.” — mcscoopy

59. I thought ejaculate was light blue.

“I thought ejaculate was light blue. Seeing Episode 4: A New Hope was a little uncomfortable in the beginning. Rogue One just reminded me of the blue milk.” — TheAlfies

60. I thought male urine got you pregnant and that’s why there are gender specific restrooms.

“I thought male urine got you pregnant and that’s why there are gender specific restrooms.” — kittenwhisp3r

61. I thought ejaculation would hurt a lot cause in porn when a man ejaculates their face looks like they are in deep pain.

“I thought ejaculation would hurt a lot cause in porn when a man ejaculates their face looks like they are in deep pain.” — kcfith

62. I used to think that people could get stuck while having sex.

“I used to think that people could get stuck while having sex. Like literally man trying to pull his dick out of a vagina unsuccessfully because they are stuck together. I believed this until I was in my late teens.” — ProbeUranus

63. I thought a woman could decide to have a baby at random, because how else would so many single mums be around?.

“My mum watched a lot of Maury, which had a lot of single mums. After a while I got the impression that although a man and woman could make a baby together, a woman could also decide to have one at random, because how else would so many single mums be around?” — RudyChristina7

64. I thought sex was putting your penis between a woman’s breasts and somehow that created a child.

“Thought sex was putting your penis between a woman’s breasts and somehow that created a child.” — CIAKilledJFK88

65. I thought one person fell on the other one and suddenly they were having sex.

“I thought that it happened a lot through accidental falling that happened coincidentally while both parties were naked. Like one person fell on the other one and suddenly they were having sex.” — Anodynic

66. I thought after a woman is pregnant she goes to the doctor and fills out a form where she requests a boy or girl.

“Not about sex but I thought after a woman is pregnant she goes to the doctor and fills out a form where she requests a boy or girl.” — Valkyrie408

67. I thought the man put his balls in the woman’s vagina and sperm diffused through the scrotum.

“I thought the man put his balls in the woman’s vagina and sperm diffused through the scrotum. This was embarrassingly late into my childhood too…” — OsuPhenom

68. I thought you were supposed to take a sword and stab a woman in the belly button.

“I thought you were supposed to take a sword and stab a woman in the belly button. Glad I didn’t try doing that.” — MCNsAreStupid

69. The fantasies I had were about becoming really really small and just climbing into a vagina and hanging out inside.

“I didn’t know what sex was for a while so the fantasies I had were about becoming really really small and just climbing into a vagina and hanging out inside.” — Mustacheyouariddle

70. I thought there was a bone in the penis and that’s why it was called a ‘boner.’

“I thought there was a bone in the penis and that’s why it was called a ‘boner.’” — CaliMade19XX

71. I thought that vaginas were tiny asses.

“I thought that vaginas were tiny asses. literally.” — Sheikh_Shaker

72. I thought babies were made when the man came into a cup and the woman drank it and it tasted like blueberries.

“I thought ‘sex’ referred to showing your junk to each other. And babies were made when the man came into a cup and the woman drank it and it tasted like blueberries. I was seven.” — scienceisanart

73. I thought vaginas were blank skin that broke open when the penis pushed on it.

“I thought vaginas were blank skin that broke open when the penis pushed on it…” — Zaroc128

74. I thought babies were pooped out.

“I thought the clit WAS the vagina and that’s where the penis went; also, I thought babies were pooped out.” — SkellyMonster

75. I thought a man could only ejaculate one hundred times in his life.

“In my early teens I’d read somewhere that 1% of your semen is sperm… misread / misunderstood that information, and took it as ‘1% of your total sperm count comes out when you cum.’ Spent a good year keeping track of the times I’d ejaculated, because I was worried I only had 100 climaxes in me for life before I ran out of sperm entirely.” — Inhuman_Monolith

76. I thought the number of children you could have was limited to the number testicles you were born with.

“The number of children you could have was limited to the number testicles you were born with.” — MarsRover94

77. I thought the egg travels from man’s bottom into woman bottom and a baby is made.

“Take trousers off. Face away from each other with bottoms touching. Egg travels from man’s bottom into woman bottom and baby is made. End.” — robflate

78. I used to think Asian women’s vaginas ran horizontally instead of vertically.

“I used to think Asian women’s vaginas ran horizontally instead of vertically. I eventually found out it was my friend’s older brothers trolling me….” — JustSomeEngGuy

79. I thought you get pregnant if you kiss with your mouth open.

“You get pregnant if you kiss with your mouth open.” — CyberCelestial

80. I thought once you wear the wedding ring, you automatically get pregnant.

“I thought once you wear the wedding ring, you automatically get pregnant. Was scared to wear a ring in my ring finger as long as I remember.” — Adamsin

81. I thought that something came out of the end of the penis, a bit like an anteater’s tongue and went ‘inside you’ and made you pregnant.

“For an embarrassingly long time I thought that something came out of the end of the penis, a bit like an anteater’s tongue and went ‘inside you’ and made you pregnant.” — overachievingovaries

82. I thought that I would have a lot of it.

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“That I would have a lot of it.” — DarkskinJesus