22 People Reveal Their Most George Constanza-esque Reason For Their Breakup

Found on r/AskReddit

1. The 30 Day Zone

It was 4 days before my birthday and she said she was going to get me a gift. I knew I couldn’t break up with her for at least 30 days after accepting her gift and I wasn’t willing to make a 34 day commitment to the relationship.

– shakeyjake

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2. The pie was the key.

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The most George Costanza-esque reason I DIDN’T break up with someone was that her father worked in a pie factory and shipped me a delicious key lime pie packed in dry ice every month.

– chewyrunt

3. Sometimes, you just can’t.

One day I realized she looked like Paul Dano and I couldn’t unsee it. That was it.

– and_eazy

4. The Vegan Conundrum

We are at a local brewery and she looks as though she is about to cry. I ask her what the problem is and she mentions that they don’t have any vegan options. They have plenty of vegetarian options that allow for you to substitute for vegan cheese, so I suggest that. At this point tears are rolling down her cheek. I ask if she has another place in mind and she immediately perks up. We head over to that restaurant and she orders fish tacos.

– twoheadedcoy2

5. Who does that? I don’t even do that!

She’d wait until she had the bartender’s attention and then start to decide what she wanted to drink.

– witehare

6. Her mouth was open the entire time!

I dated this girl who was the loudest eater I ever met. She constantly chewed with her mouth open and smacked her lips. God forbid if she really liked it, then there came a litany of mmms and noms as well. It was like dating the fucking cookie monster.

– CloudJockey

7. She smelled like my mother — or my mother smelled like her. I don’t know anymore.

She wore the same deodorant as my mother does.

– bobrobertsonson

8. I went through a bag a week because of her.

She put the spoon into the sugar jar after stirring her coffee. Would leave clumps of coffee sugar.

– viperh

9. She had a … lag.

She would sing along with songs that were playing on the radio, but with a delay of .5 seconds, like she knew the tune, but didn’t know the words until she HEARD them. It got SO annoying, SO quickly. Nope.

– geekstorm

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SHOP

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10. The Girl Who Loved To Travel.

She would always say how much she loved to travel, but has never been outside of California. Retweeting, reblogging, Instagram, everything about her “travels to the grocery store” or “my travels to Yosemite.” I ended it cause I said I needed space, last thing she said to me was “good luck on your travels.”

– moderatelysizedmikel

11. Just thinking about it gives me the shivers.

I know someone who broke up with their SO because whenever they took a bite from a fork they would bite down on it while they slid it out of their front teeth. Makes me cringe thinking about it.

– temtam

12. “We can’t do this anymore.”

The voice she used to baby talk to her dog was insufferable. Occasionally she would use it on me but not a lot. Then one night she asked me, “Can I sucky on your dicky?” It was the first, and last, time I turned down sexually activity. We broke up right then and there.

– BrosephKennedy

13. The Nugget

She refused to eat anything besides chicken nuggets and french fries. No substitutions. Not chicken tenders. Not chicken strips. If we went somewhere without nuggets and fries she would just order a Coke and watch me eat.

I once made the mistake of cooking dinner for her. She took one bite and asked if I would be offended if she ran to McDonald’s to get nugs/fries.

There were a host of other reasons, but that was a big factor.

– braffination

14. He had TH. Tiny head.

His head was too small. Like freakish, shrunken head small. He was a big dude 6’4 200 pounds, with this tiny child size head I could completely wrap my tiny girl hands around. My friend still call him Tiny Head Paul.

I hope he found someone to love him and that petite noggin of his.

– TheMapesHotel

15. Oh, if anyone does this…

She pronounced it “cold slaw”.

– EnysAtSea

16. You have to always be careful.

Every time I yawned she thought it hilarious if she stuck her finger in my open mouth. I could never relax…always had to be prepared for oral violation.

– AbeLincolnsBallsack

17. Poor eating habits and genetics.

I have two. One guy ate like a t-rex. He would keep his elbows by his side while he ate and leaned over to get his food off his fork. Another guy had no shape to the back of his head. His neck just went straight up. Both named Chris.

– rubyreddorothy

18. Order your own damn food, this is mine.

She ate my burger that I ordered at Chili’s. I asked her if she wanted food. She said no. Right as the food came I went to the bathroom. I came back and the fucking burger was gone. “Oops I’m sorry I was a little hungry.” Fuck you.

– Kennard

19. She had man-hands.

No joke, and I didn’t see the Seinfeld episode long after we’d broken up, but she had the manliest fucking man-hands a man could ever hand. I thought I would be ok with it but I wasn’t.

– shinydragonite

20. Her eyelid…

She had a mole on her eyelid. Every time I kissed her I saw it when I was leaning in. I started having dreams that the mole was talking to me…. That was the end.

– jbracer007

21. Who does this?!

She always ordered food, ate half of it, then ate half of mine. Then she would offer to share what she ordered, but I didn’t like the stuff she ordered.

– acid_testing

22. She did what?!

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She bought me a sweater and showed up at my work to give it to me. We had only been dating for a week or so. [tc-mark]