19 People Describe Their Shocking Experiences Of Their Parents Meeting Their Significant Other For The First Time

Found on r/AskReddit.

1. Not the parent, just the asshole boyfriend

So im not a parent but when I met my girlfriends mom for breakfast I ate the whole family’s sausage and bacon thinking it was the plate they had left for me since I showed up late. They were too nice to say anything.

2. “My fists shook with rage…”

I never thought I would strike a teenager until I saw a boy smack my daughter’s ass in front of me with impunity.

3. “She just won’t let it go!”

My son’s girlfriend just will just not stop singing Let It Go and it is really starting to wear on my son.

I should mention they are 5.

4. “He couldn’t handle my handshake”

When I first met my ex’s Dad, I thought in my young, naive 17-year-old brain that it would be a great idea to go in for a big, manly handshake. He’d broken his wrist in a cycling accident the week before. I can still hear the crack it made in my nightmares. I also may or may not have let him drive himself to the hospital while I had disappointing teenage sex with his daughter.

5. “Yeah, I told that shit to her father’s face. (But I didn’t know.)”

When I was 16 I met this girl who went to high school across town through a buddy who was dating her friend. Our parents were pretty liberal and we spent most of our weekends getting high and drunk in the pool house and swimming when we wanted to cool off. Needless to say, it took about three days before I lost my v-card to this girl – and it was the awesomest.

Here’s the thing: when you’re 16 and you find a girl who is DTF you never let that go. I was immediately her boyfriend. Despite the fact that I didn’t know that much about her, I knew everything that I needed to know: she had a vagina and she let me put my dick in it.

Week two of this torrid romance and something isn’t quite right in the land down under- it was really burning when I pissed. Like every time…I went to Catholic school so I knew all about how Satan invades extra-marital sex and fills your lust pole with STDs. I knew I had one, the only question was which one. A lot of people would ask: “This chick just gave you dick rot, you dumped her right?” Let me just refer you to the previous statement: I was 16 and she was letting me have sex with her. We only got more serious- like getting close to meet the parents serious.

But love didn’t cure whatever evil was festering in my penis, and I had to schedule a doctor’s appointment. In the exam room, I had to fess up to my doctor (who I had always secretly suspected of being gay) my terrible suspicions- that I had third degree dick rot with a chance of AIDS. I had to pee in a cup, and he manually examined my penis. He asked me why I suspected I had caught an STD, and, in the spirit of doctor-patient confidentiality, I told him everything. Which came out to: “I met a random girl from across town and I’ve been humping her everywhere: pool, bushes, suburbans, rugs, carpets, dirt piles. I don’t know much about her, but if she’s willing to sex me up, she’s probably kind of a slut.” It took a week, but the results came back- I had a benign UTI, most likely from bare-back riding in dirt piles. Clean it up was his advice. That was a giant relief, and a fuck you to Sister Helen who had convinced me that god punishes all fornicators with a life-long curse of dick fire.

Everything seemed to be great, the penis problem cleared up and this girl and I kept seeing each other. After a few months she invited me to her family dinner, her mom was nice and pretty hot. Her dad was my doctor.

6. “That’s my boy.”

First time my mother met my highschool girlfriend was walking into my bedroom with my girlfriend completely naked on the bed and me fully clothed on the computer.

7. “Why does she want birth control?”

Ex girlfriends Mom greeted me with, “Did you convince my daughter to go on birth control so you could fuck her?!?” I was shocked to say the least because we had only been dating for a few weeks and she was a virgin, I wasn’t pushing the issue because I really liked her. In my confused state, the girlfriend at the time explained to me that she told her Mom she wanted to have sex with me and needed birth control. First encounter with her Mom and I never recovered from that, she hated me.

8. “Oh hell no, you ain’t going out with that boy.”

When my mother was 14, she wanted to date this boy who was 17. But my grandparents wouldn’t let her, because they “just don’t trust him”. My mom argues with her parents, but they stand firm on their decision.

Flash forward about 8 years, my mom is happily married. Her parents show her the newspaper, and that boy (grown up now) made the paper: drug-deal gone wrong, armed robbery, double homicide and suicide.

9. “How’s your fish and chips?”

Ugh, I was the girlfriend in question. I had come over to my long distance relationship boyfriend’s apartment on the way out of town. I had dressed in a plaid skirt, fishnets, combat boots, and a low cut black tank because I wanted to leave him with a good memory.

So he’s got me pinned face first against the wall with my skirt flipped up and he’s fingering me when his dad walks in. Apparently he’d come by early to take him to lunch and drop him at his job.

I was absolutely mortified during the entire lunch with his dad, dad’s girlfriend, and my boyfriend.

10. “You met him on eHarmony?”

I was over at my boyfriend’s family’s house for Easter where we all got together for an Easter egg hunt, dinner, and party games. My boyfriend’s middle sister had recently started seeing a guy she met on eHarmony, who apparently lived in Toronto. She spent the afternoon telling us about him; That he owned a delivery business and a flower shop, was originally from somewhere in Africa but moved to England and then here, etc. etc. My boyfriend’s brother joked that he was a drug dealer for his ‘delivery business’, and we laughed as she tried to defend him.

So he finally drives up in a very expensive car, wearing a t-shirt with arrows pointing to the shoulders and the caption “Place legs here” written across the chest. Everyone started interrogating him, but he was avoidant of everything. I worked in a flower shop for seven years, and he couldn’t name any flowers. Granted his English wasn’t perfect and he was very awkward, but the drug dealer possibility became more likely as time went on.

Afterwards he went full-blown creepy stalker. She broke up with him, since he couldn’t explain anything, and he sent her 40+ text messages trying to get her back. Wrote ‘poems’ about how much it hurt to miss her and said he’d drop by her work. She blocked his number, reported him on eHarmony, and everyone in the family has sworn a pact to immediately call police if we see him anywhere.

It was like standing next to a trainwreck as it happened.

11. “Boy, you’re glad to meet me!”

My most awkward meeting (I had met her mom briefly once before) of a girlfriend’s parent(s) was 9 years ago when I was 18. I was sitting on her mom’s couch chatting with my girlfriend while we texted each other dirty things. We would pretend to talk about being seniors, looking forward to graduating, etc, but we were really discussing the dirty and raunchy kind of teenage sex that abstinence only education warned you about.

As we texted more I started to get a little excited, nothing I couldn’t control but damn it felt dangerous and nasty which got the adrenaline flowing. Her mom was in the kitchen the entire time cooking up a meal leaving us to our secret naughty conversation. I told my then girlfriend to put her phone between her legs while it was on vibrate, she did and I called her repeatedly. Watching her get hornier got me hornier, the blood must flow! There was no fighting it anymore, my dick was now hard knowing she was ready for some prime time sexytimes.

Let’s pause for a second and examine this situation, I’m sitting on the couch hard as a rock, she’s sitting next to me with a phone between her legs while I call it repeatedly. What 18 year old guy wouldn’t be aroused? I misjudged one thing, how quickly her mom could prepare an entire meal. Panic time.

Her mom walked in the living room to tell us dinner was done but it had to cool down a bit. She wanted to take this time to get to know me. I had met her once before but only briefly, I’d only said hi to her at this point. She had perched on the arm of the love seat which was at a 90 degree angle to the couch we were sitting on, she sat there like a judging vulture disguised as Bettie Homemaker. Her voice and smile were gentle, but her eyes were fiery and alive like she plucked them from Hannibal Lecter’s head.

“Are you excited to graduate?”

“Yes ma’am.” When I’m nervous I get really polite.

“Are you two hungry? I made enough to feed everyone and send you home with plenty of leftovers.”

“Thank you ma’am.” My boner was about to burst through my pants, my balls were starting to hurt from all the trapped blood.

“Call me Kathy, or mom if you want to.” I’d rather not, in fact, I’d rather be sewing my wild oats in your daughter and praying for crop failure.

“OK Kathy, I’ll remember that.”

“Where are my manners? I almost forgot to mention that we hug in this family.” Oh christ, fuck, please no. Not now at this exact moment. I haven’t had the chance to covertly tuck my cock into the waistband of my jeans!

“Stand up and give me a hug, mister.” No no no no no nononono!

There was no way I have escaped this situation without killing two people and hiding the bodies. I did it. I stood up and hugged this woman. As soon as it happened I could feel my dick press into her, she knew, I knew she knew because she backed away from it, as soon as she did I had an involuntary dick twitch the for a split second pushed it back into her thigh. Fuck.

We parted from our hug, we both tried to be polite, but the shame had set in. Diner was awkward, I wolfed down my food without making eye contact with Kathy. I made an excuse to leave after dinner, went home, rubbed one out, and wallowed in shame and embarrassment.

12. “U WOT M8????”

Not me, but a friend’s new girlfriend upon meeting his dad: “Yer fuckin old, eh?”

In her defense, she was a Newfie.

13. “She knew it anyway…”

My boyfriend in high school was a senior at a different school, I was a sophomore. At their school homecoming game it was a tradition for all seniors to dress up in camouflage. So my mom first met him when he was dressed head-to-toe in black and white camouflage and wasn’t aware of the tradition. As he was walking toward us she said, “oh god, no.” And didn’t realize I’d heard her.

To be fair, he was pure scum.

14. “You’re a drunk driver? Me too!”

He recounted the story of when he drove home so drunk he lost a tire hitting something, then drove on the rim for at least 4 miles down the interstate.

Thankfully he’s sober now, but is that something you want to talk about the first time you meet me?

15. “MONEY!”

I was working at a pizza place in my teenage years and started talking to this girl. She came over one night when my parents were asleep. My mother is hard of hearing and my father is a rock when he’s asleep. She comes over and we start fooling around and we pass out. I was thinking that since the next day was a work day, she could leave after they left for work.

We wake up and were both naked. So being 17 and looking at a naked girl we start to fool around again. Then I go for the money shot and get some in her eye… She starts crying and saying it hurts a lot. We leave my room to go to the bathroom so she could watch her face.

Now you have to pass the computer room to get to the bathroom and guess who’s sitting there. My mom. She took the day off to pick up my cousin from the airport and was on TMZ.com killing time. Her reaction was quite priceless and humiliating as she turned to say good morning and saw me and this girl she never met before butt naked. And that was the last time she came over my house. Work was pretty awkward after that day too.

16. “I’m unimpressed. Is that all the words you know?”

Not me, but my sister, who graduated top of her class and was an all around great child, went through a rebellious stage where she dated this terrible terrible dude. This guy hardly graduated and was working a shit job and was a borderline alcoholic, and did a number of drugs. Anyways, his family debut was at our family Easter gathering (extended family included) where he came extremely late and drunk. He proceeded to sit and chat with my grandfather, who is a very old fashioned man, and drop every curse in the book. I’ve never seen a more unimpressed look on his face. My dad told my sister to get him and leave. Things were a little sketchy for a long time after until we convinced her to break up with him. That was a rough time on the family.

17. “I can’t believe the check was $69.”

Not a parent, but I met my high school girlfriend’s parents when they returned early from a long walk to find us 69ing on their family room couch. I was calmly, and sternly asked to leave the house.

Then I proceeded to back my dad’s car over a random tool lying in the middle of their driveway, popping a tire and causing a loud clunking noise with every tire rotation. I had already fucked up with her parents, I wasn’t going to ruin my dad’s car and have him kill me too, so I attempted a speedy tire change in the driveway, praying her parents were busy elsewhere.

I couldn’t find which tire had blown or what caused it. One of the front tires seemed flatter so I started changing it. As I did her garage door opens. Her father is in his car attempting to leave for work and I have now blocked his driveway.

He stayed in his running car the entire time I changed the tire. And as I finished, started the car, and began backing out of the driveway again, I heard ‘clunk’ and realised I had in fact changed the wrong tire.

So I pulled to the side of the driveway to let him leave and allow me to change the -correct- tire. Instead, he stayed in his running car, watching me the entire time. He wasn’t going to leave until the dumbass who defiled his daughter on his family room couch and spent twenty minutes changing a wrong tire left his property.

A week later my girlfriend hands me a check from her parents to cover the cost of the tire, as it was their fault for leaving the tool in the driveway. My dad had already bought new tires. So I spent the money on beer.

18. “Thanks…son…”

The first time my Dad met one of my girlfriends from College was when he just waltz into my room and found us in the middle of sex, doggy style, facing the door. Those two seconds of eye contact felt like a lifetime. He never mentioned it again though, I like to think he felt a ounce of pride, and he got to see some 19 year old boobs.

19. “U HAVIN’ A GIGGLE M8?”

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SHOP

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Not a parent, but the night my sister’s ex met my parents, he went off on a tangent about how proud he was not to work, and how good it is that the state gives him food stamps and welfare. My dad, who’s been a consistently hard worker his entire life, about blew a fuse that night.

The ex continued his jackassery for some time, but shortly after he recommended to my sister that they move into Section 8 housing, that’s when she had the sense to call it quits.