How To Talk Dirty

Say “cock” a lot. Refer to said cock as hard, big, fucking huge … whatever floats your boat. But say it. Get comfortable with the word cock because dudes go fucking crazy for it. Say it in the shower in the morning or before you go to bed to get used to the way it sounds. “Cock” sounds way better than dick, even though some dicks don’t deserve the greatness that is the word cock. Praise the cock because dudes are insecure creatures who need reinforcement.

Tell him what you want him to do to you via text during his work day. Send it around 3 PM when everyone is getting antsy. Snap a photo of your new tanlines or your cleavage in a new shirt. The ol’ hard nipples in a white T-shirt never fails, either. Give him an idea of what you’re fantasizing about … maybe you want to fuck in the backseat of his car like highschoolers. Tell him. Dudes are visual creatures and they like a good story.

Tell him what you want to do to him, too. Tell him you’ve been thinking about it all day. Stroke his ego and tell him you can’t wait to feel him inside you. Tell him you can’t do your work because you’re distracted by the thought of his tongue down on you. And if all else fails, tell him you’re really wet right now and it’s his fault.

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Play “Remember when?” It’s a great game. Tease him with it if you’re apart or when you’re together. Look him in the eye at the dinner table and recount your favorite sexual exploits together. Get him going by telling the story of how he ripped your dress off and fucked you hard in your kitchen.

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Give him a roadmap. Tell him you want him to lick your nipples and suck on them hard before he does the same thing to your clit. Be explicit. Make noise. Tell him you love it when he does ____. (I’ll let you fill in the blank.) When you’re going down on him, enjoy it. Moan a little. It feels good (vibrations!) and they love to think you’re getting off on it. A dude I sleep with always does this when he’s going down on me and it makes everything way more intense.

Ask him if he was thinking of you. Say, “Were you hard on the way over? Were you thinking of me in the shower soaping up my tits and you bending me over the sink?” Give him a play by play of sexy thoughts you had that day. Ask him if he wants to feel his hard cock in your mouth while you slide it up and down your throat. Tell him you love sucking it.

Don’t be shy. Say “cock.” Say “clit.” Say “pussy.” (Or say “cunt” if you, like me, hate the word pussy.) You don’t need to be porny. Really, though, don’t be fakey and porny. Tell him what you want. Tell him how good he feels when he fucks you like that. Whisper – for some reason, it seems sexier.

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Let go a little. Don’t be shy. You’re letting the dude into your vagina, so you might as well let him into your dirty mind. I know you’ve got it in you.