6 Infuriating Struggles Of Being Bisexual But Not Biromantic

We have clear definitions for the words ‘Gay’ and ‘Straight,’ and ‘Bisexual.’ Gay people like members of their own sex. Straight people like the opposite sex. And bisexual people like both… right? Not necessarily. While bisexual individuals are sexually attracted to members of both genders, it’s entirely possible that they’re only romantically attracted to one gender. As if the dating game weren’t complicated enough as it is, here are a few struggles that are inherent to people who are bisexual but not biromantic:

1. You feel like a fraud in both the LGBQT community and the straight community.

You’re not gay enough for the gay community, but you’re also not straight enough for the straight community. When you go to a straight bar with your friends, women and men alike catch your eye. But when you go to a gay bar you can’t help but feel a little out of place – you’re not there to find love, after all – but you’re definitely attracted to a decent proportion of the people there.

2. Not understanding whether or not you’re supposed to come out.

You’re not romantically attracted to members of your same gender – which means you’re probably never going to date one of them. Which means there’s no real reason to go through the painstaking process of coming out to your family and friends. That is, until you find yourself playing tonsil hockey with a cute girl at the bar and you suddenly have to explain yourself to your bewildered drinking buddies…

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3. You aren’t quite sure how to navigate the dating scene.

You want to meet women (or men) but you aren’t sure how to go about it.

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You don’t want to turn into a fuckgirl and lead people on by acting like you’re down for a relationship, but you also don’t want to be written off as just another curious straight girl. The dating game is suddenly more confusing than ever before – and lord knows it’s confusing enough as it is.

4. People are constantly assuming that you’re denying some part of your sexuality.

Your queer friends tell you that not wanting to date a member of your gender is a phase that you’ll eventually move past. Your straight friends tell you that wanting to have sex with members of your own gender is a phase that you’ll eventually get over. Nobody assumes that your sexuality is a permanent state, because it isn’t one that society regularly acknowledges.

5. People assume you’re just looking for attention.

So you like sleeping with women but won’t date them? Classic – you’re just one more drunk girl at the bar, looking to score a threesome or make out with another girl to capture the attention of onlookers. Never mind the fact that the majority of your sex happens entirely privately – if you’re not dating the people you’re sleeping with, you must just be starving for attention.

6. Your sexuality is often written off as a passing curiosity.

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If you don’t want to date members of your own gender, you’re immediately labeled as another curious straight person – even if your initial curiosity has been satisfied years ago. You know that your attraction to both genders is here to stay – but others have a hard time accepting that fact. And so instead, they turn to classifying you as something they’re more familiar with – because of course, you can’t possibly be trusted to define yourself.