1. Testicles on bicycle seats.
Where the hell do testicles go when you sit on a bicycle?
2. Testicles in general.
Testicles. They’re just weird. How do you not sit on them accidentally all the time? Why are you constantly “adjusting” them? Why does a mere tap to them incapacitate you?
3. The way they incessantly touch their testicles.
The incessant ball-touching. I understand the need to adjust as sweaty skin stuck to other skin doesn’t feel good but I never realized until I got married how much a man can touch his balls. Seriously, they aren’t going anywhere. I also include the hand in the shorts/pants as ball touching. It’s ridiculous. If I touched my boobs as much as my husband touched his balls, I’d have tennis elbow (from bending the elbow repeatedly).
4. Boners.
The whole getting hard thing is weird. Can you feel the blood rushing to your penis? Like it seems weird to have an appendage that you feel the blood rushing to and throbbing. Say my arm, for example, that would be a weird ass feeling to experience. For women its more internal and deep. Our clit tingles and such. But for men its just so external and different it seems.
5. Bouncing boners.
I’ve only seen one man’s dick (that I can remember, I might’ve mentally blocked out walking in on my dad in the bathroom or something) and that is my boyfriend’s. So, the strangest thing about guys, for me, is the way the dick…bounces. When it’s aroused, it will go erect, but then I’ll suddenly touch his thigh or take off my shirt and it will bounce up and down like an excited dog and for some reason that’s so fascinating to me. I found it pretty funny the first time I saw it.
6. Back-stabbing with boners.
Boners. Why? I just get sick of them poking me in the back when I’m trying to cuddle with a guy.
7. That inconvenient lump of extra skin that’s just floppin’ inside their pants.
They have extra skin just floppin’ around inside their pants, right between their legs. Just seems so inconvenient. It’s like a tail in front of your body instead if behind you, making guys seem like they should be imbalanced and walking funny. It’s downright strange if you ask me.
8. Having a stick hanging between their legs.
Having a stick hanging between their legs. For some reason that’s just…mind-boggling to me.
9. Their ability to run with that stick hanging between their legs.
How do you run with things between your legs?
10. Hands-in-the-pants syndrome.
When they put their hands in their pants… Why? I asked my SO this last night and he just said it was a habit, but I’ve seen other guys do this before. So weird to me.
11. Peeing while pooping.
Recently my girlfriend discovered that if I need to pee when I’m pooping I will do it sitting down. This amazed her. She asked her brother if he did, too. She still isn’t over the fact that guys pee sitting down when pooping.
12. Peeing outside.
Peeing outside.
13. Peeing without wiping.
Why don’t guys wipe when they pee? I mean the tip is probably a little wet from pee. Do you just ignore any urine that gets on your underwear? Shaking it can’t totally get all the pee off. There’s no way I could just shake the pee off of my parts.
14. Peeing without washing their hands.
Why don’t you use soap when washing your hands after draining the lizard? I mean…that’s just nasty.
15. The boob fascination.
Their fascination with boobs. And how they seem to forget that boobs have nerve endings and hurt when you poke or hit them. They aren’t bongos.
16. Their violent manner of greeting one another.
How violently guys greet each other.
17. Their cruel, brutal honesty.
How brutally honest guys are to each other. A guy will go to the gym and lose weight all because his friends called him a fat piece of shit. The world would stop turning if girl friends were that honest with each other.
18. The absolute fucking buffoonery they engage in.
The absolute fucking buffoonery they engage in. I have an idea. Let’s all punch each other on the arm and see who can tolerate the hardest punch. WHAT? Hey guys, let’s jump into a cactus. DA FUQ? yo dude, watch me run my jeep into a brick wall. SERIOUSLY. HOW DO YOU ALL LIVE PAST SIX?
19. The weird shit that happens whenever they gather together in packs.
The fact that any time you put a few of them together, action happens in some form or the other. Girls don’t do this, but I wish we did. Leave like 5 girls together and we’ll talk—leave 5 guys, and weird shit happens. It’s very entertaining though!
20. Being needy without being affectionate.
I had this boyfriend that HATED being away from me. Would call me, want to talk, said he missed me, was incredibly clingy. Then we’d get together and he would completely ignore me for his friends or for his video games. This happened a great deal of the time. It was like he needed me sitting in the same room as him or standing next to him and that’s it. He didn’t miss spending time with me he just missed my presence. I’m still really confused about that one.
21. Refusing to cuddle after sex.
Most guys won’t cuddle post sex, this is annoying/upsetting to me because I really like it. I don’t want them to do it just because I want to I want them to want to do it, too.
22. Their savage and inconsiderate lack of manscaping.
When they don’t shave, and expect the girl to be shaved. I mean, some hair is okay, but when I’m deep throating you, I don’t need your hair in my mouth as well.
23. Their flat butts.
Their butts. I seriously can’t get over how… flat it is. It doesn’t seem to fit with the body!
24. The mysterious and inscrutable male nipple.
I’ve always wondered why guys have nipples.
25. Spitting.
Spitting! Why do men always spit? It’s not like they can’t swallow it. It’s so gross!
226. Beer.
That most of them like beer. I think it’s disgusting, and I find it weird that most all the guys I’ve met enjoy it.
27. Their lack of pickiness in sex partners.
Just their thought process when “choosing” women. For example, me and my SO both use Tinder as a bit of fun and the difference between our criteria for swiping right is so weird. Obviously not all guys will thing this way but most my guy friends agree that if they have even the vaguest attraction to a girl they’d go for it (say if 1/5 of their criteria are met, they’ll swipe right). Whereas I’m much more picky about guys (would say I need about 3-4/5 of my criteria to be met to consider swiping someone right).
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