30 Dick Moves That Will Make You Lose Friends And Stay Single

If you pull any of these dick moves, Ask Reddit has a problem with you (and so will everyone else).

1. The Flaker

Making plans with someone and then telling them you can’t make it 30 minutes after the agreed upon time.

2. The Narcissist

Being nonchalant or putting down somebody who excitedly tells you about their accomplishment or work or whatever.

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3. The Cheater

Cheating. I don’t get how you can lie to someone you care about and then just be a human trash bag. If you cheat, you’re the lowest of the low.

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4. The Ice Cold Treatment

Not waving, smiling, or saying hello to someone who just said hello to you first.

5. The User

When people only come around or hit you up when they need something.

6. The One-Upper

I’m not sure the word for it, but doing that thing where people always invalidate your feelings by one upping with their own… Like:

“You think your job is stressful? Try having my job.”

“You’re proud of something your kid did today? My kid did something even better last year.”

“You’re not feeling well? Well I’ve been sick for weeks and haven’t taken a single day off.”

7. The Cuckold

Hitting on your friend’s romantic partner.

8. The Seat Hog

Putting your bag on the seat next to you in a busy train/subway/bus.

9. The Ghost

Ghosting someone in a relationship.

10. The Girl Who’s Not a Girl’s Girl

Not offering a tampon to a sister in need. It’s an internationally agreed rule. If she says, “Fuck,” in the bathroom, you ask if she needs one. Period.

11. The Back Talker

Talking behind your back. Motherfucker, just say it to my face!!!

12. The Annoying Extrovert

Asking someone who is not talking in a group conversation, “Why are you so quiet?”

13. The Pizza of Disrespect

Eating the last slice of pizza when you didn’t buy it.

14. The Political Flip-Flopper

Mentioning politics then saying you don’t want to discuss politics.

15. The Inconsiderate Talker

Talking on speakerphone in a very public place.

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16. The Pick-Me

Making your friends look bad just so you can look cool in front of girls.

17. The Litter Bug

Littering. You’re fucking up our beautiful world, you lazy, disgusting, entitled brat.

18. The Music Blaster

Playing music so loud that your neighbors can hear it. Especially in the middle of the night.

19. The Line-Cutter

When someone cuts in line.

20. The Ditcher

Ditching your friend to hang out with someone else.

21. The Person Who Doesn’t Zip Properly

Trying to squeeze in behind a merging car and screwing up the zipper formation while merging.

22. The Space Stealer

Parking space theft when someone is clearly sitting there waiting for it.

23. The Lazy Parker

Leaving a shopping cart in a parking space.

24. The Rude Customer

Treating waiters/waitresses like shit.

25. The Unsolicited Texter

Sending dick pics not asked for.

26. The Person Who Shits with No Follow-Through

Not cleaning up after yourself in communal places like public toilets. It’s really not that hard to pick up that toilet brush and send your sticky shit on its merry way.

27. The Whistler

Whistling to retail workers to get their attention.

28. The Virgin Who Can’t Drive

Taking up two parking spaces. I mean, come on dude.

29. The Traffic Dickhead

Swerving between different lanes without signaling so you can get to your destination faster.

30. The Blocker

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Blocking a doorway or a path so someone has to try to squeeze past. It’s not a power move, it just makes them look like a dick.