26 Sex Puns That Are Almost As Good As An Orgasm

Nothing is better than sex. But these sex puns come close.

If you aren’t getting laid, you should laugh at these sex puns to distract you from your loneliness. After all, ladies love a good sense of humor. Even if you aren’t going to get a strong orgasm tonight, at least you’ll get a strong laugh.

1. What did the leper say to the prostitute?

You can just keep the tip.

I’m carrying something deep within me, something that feels heavy and haunted, something I’ve tried so desperately to control and manage on my own.

For The Sin You Can’t Talk About

2. Why do Jewish men get circumcised?

Because Jewish women won’t touch anything unless it’s 20% off.

MAY 2025 CASH FORECAST

5 Zodiacs About To Be Hit With A Sunburst Of Cold Hard Cash

When you randomly come across some money: it feels like the universe is giving you a little gift, a reminder that sometimes, good things just happen out of the blue.

You should check if your zodiac sign is one of them here.

3. Who does anal?

Assholes.

4. A kiss makes your day…

But anal makes your hole weak.

5. My boyfriend went to bed naked.

I think he has a boner to pick with me.

Horoscopes For Today

Horoscope For Today: Tuesday, April 29, 2025

Today is a positive one for the zodiac signs! The moon is in Gemini, giving us a curious and intellectualized approach…

collective.world

Crystals Reveal Your Tarot Angel Message For May 2025

Your angels are always looking out for you, and sometimes, they try to send you messages. If you stumbled upon this…

collective.world

6. Is having a penis fun?

It has its ups and downs.

7. Have you ever given a blowjob?

They are a mouthful.

8. I would tell you a penis joke…

But I don’t want to come across as cocky.

9. Why is sex similar to a thunderstorm?

You can never know how many inches you will get or how long it will last.

10. How do you get ‘Dick’ from ‘Richard?’

You ask nicely.

11. What do you call a ghost’s erection?

A booooner.

12. What’s the difference between three dicks and a joke?

Your mom can’t take a joke.

13. Did you hear about the penis-less man who ejaculated?

It came out of nowhere.

14. My wife is a sex object.

Every time I ask for sex… she objects.

15. I tried phone sex once.

But the holes in the dialer were too small.

16. My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9! That’s the best I’ve done so far.

17. If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome…

I guess now it’s clear why everyone calls me handsome.

SHOP

Real Sex Stories

by Sylvie Quinn

Read our new book at the risk of getting turned on again and again. Every single dirty experience described is insanely arousing—especially once you remember that it all actually happened.

18. My penis was in the Guinness book of world records.

Then the librarian told me to take it out.

19. Today I was asked to go out, by 20 girls.

I was in the women’s bathroom.

20. What did the saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

“If we don’t get some support here people are going to think we’re nuts.”

21. What kind of bees produce milk?

Boobies.

22. What do you call a virgin on a water bed?

A cherry float.

23. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?

She gagged.

I said, “Nah. You’re just pulling my leg.”

25. I told my wife I was so stressed that only a blowjob would help.

She asked me where I was going to find a dick to suck at this time of night.

26. What’s the difference between your dick and a joke?

Trending

Nobody laughs at your jokes.